Welcome to Suga' Rae's

Immaturity

Sun, 31 May 2009 01:30:49 GMT

What can I say? It supposed to come with the age, or rather the age group, but I find it in the most unlikely places. It surrounds me. When I think I"ve beaten it or that it has reared it's ugly head for the last time it amazes me again and comes from the most unsightly source. How can one be so childish? Only a fool thinks that the world revolves around him or in many cases her. No, that is not a sexist statement but to many women with their domestic entertainment or poor breeding, especially in the area of propriety and diplomacy, can never quite function with the upmost civility and often times resort to a child's meager mindset. With age there is suppossed to come wisdom, but I often times find that with each year, with each fleeting moment age becomes nothing more than a number. A number that does not count up but down to our most humble and cataclismic end.
I do not mean to sound cynical or bitter in any way, but it is not my fault if I notice aless than joyous view of our crumbling world. It is true that everything must breakdown and fall apart. It is a scientific fact that of which Mr. Darwin failed to notice, but it is no doubt true. He may have seen that all things change, but not in the way that it must change. Everything breaks down, including, the workings of human society, but take heart with every ending there is a new beginning. For every death a rebirth, and for every fear there is a hope.
But that has nothing to do with the constant immaturity I find in this God-forsaking world. So many are foolish enough to think that God awaits in heaven with an arsenal of weapon awaiting to bring about our destruction,instead of realizing that al he has for us is Love. By very definition He is love, and how the moronic fail to see that isdefined by their very definition. They fail to see the one think they trust is the one thing that will bring about their impending doom. Themselves. This is why I say that with age the number is not counting up to something, but down to the Eternal Judgement we all face. There is nothing cynical about it. It is something we can't escape on our own, yet we are foolish enough to try. AND it is THAT foolishness that surrounds me everyday. That lives inside of me. That I can never escape until I am caught up in my Saviour's glory or the moment my sinfilled, corupted and horribly distorted life is finsished here on this earth and I reamain with my God in heaven. That will be the one day thatis the end but will never cease. It wil be the end to the foolishness, the anger, the fear, the loneliness, the battle, the war, the end to hate, a rage, the end of suffering, of temptation, of abanonment, of homelessness, the end to every heatache, disaster, strife and complaint. It will be the end that will never cease.

More Than Water

Sun, 19 Apr 2009 19:47:59 GMT

Before I ever confessed with my mouth and believed in my heart that Jesus was my loving Savior, I remember talking to God, My Wonderful Creator. My young little heart was filled with so much love and awe for my God Father. I spoke to him when I couldn’t speak to anyone else which usually was during class. I was a very quiet student, but as soon as I got home I would go running to my parents and bombard them with the tedious facts of the school day. I have an incredible memory, which includes facial expressions, impressions and body language. Imagine coming home to that everyday. Never the less, someone who always seemed to be happy to hear my childish ravings was the Lord. I even saved a chair for him at the dinner table for about a week, then my parents thought it was silly that not only did I save him a chair but to go as far as kicking my brother out of his to make room for Jesus.
    On June 16th, 1996 I was saved. I had always known the Lord, but that was the day I confessed who Jesus really was, what he had done for me and how much he loved me. On that day I was filled. I asked my parents a few years ago about my salvation experience, and they told me they knew I was believed in God before I ever confessed him as my Savior because I used to tell everyone who would listen (and a few people who wouldn’t) about how Jesus. Apparently, when I was approached by a few ladies who tried to persuade me to their doctrine ,which wasn’t all biblically based, I preceded to quote whole passages of scripture, questioning their faulty doctrine. Imagine expecting to teach a child something only to have that said child teach you. (keep in mind I was only 4)
    Anyway, back to my point, I continued to live my life as a Baby Christian taking in nourishment at Calvary Baptist Church. I loved attending church. I would sing at the top of my lungs no matter if it was a solo or a hymn. I remember rejoicing with my friends as they gave their lives to Christ. I saw each of them get baptized. Now, I couldn’t tell you who any of them were, but I remember feeling like God was calling me to obedience and baptism. So one day, I walked to the front during the invitation and filled out this little card that asked me what my decision was and all of that. I chose a date for my baptism, and excitement filled my heart, but my emotion wasn’t reflected in the eyes of my pastor. I had seen him jump for joy when all of my peers had wanted to be baptized. His reaction was unusually distant. I went through the usual church precedings, standing at the front after the service and shaking hands with the “happy” members who “rejoiced” in my decision (the line wasn’t very long).
    A week later I got up in front of the entire church to be baptized. When I actually stepped into the water it was so hot it made me jump, which just happened to be the most exciting part of the entire service. My pastor said what he was supposed to say, he put this white clothe over my mouth baptized me and went along to the next baptie. Compared to my other peer’s baptisms there wasn’t much rejoicing for me, at least by other people. It was a very uneventful event in my life. There were no ravings or flashing lights, no parties or dancing, or even any kind of emotion from most of the congregation. It was like it was just me and God on that day. I felt so wonderful for being obedient, and even though no one but my parents were as joyous as I was about it, the act alone gave me a sense of joy and acceptance, as if my Lord was pleased with my obedience. If it really wasn’t a big deal to my pastor that fact doesn’t matter. I was baptized in the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit, and that makes it so much more than water.

True Beauty

Sun, 01 Mar 2009 23:59:07 GMT

He doesn’t even know that his smile makes my day, and how his laugh fades the shades of grey. Every girl loves him and he can’t see why,but i know with every second that passes by. It’s that smile and those eyes that captivate and mesmerize. It’s the way he walks and the way he talks, and his beautiful crafted humor that seals the deal and makes him, Beautiful.

This little passage above is about one of the greatest guys I’ve ever met. He has every girl at church eating out of the palm of his hand, and the best part. HE DOESN’T EVEN KNOW! No joke. We could be talking, and literally 5 different giggling girls will come and join the convo just so they can talk to him. It’s so amazing to watch. I can understand why. He’s sweet, and hilarious! He has a clean sense of humor, and is generally and sincerely nice. He’s got a great relationship with his family. It’s so funny. I can joke with him for a really long time with another girl beside me, and as soon as he leaves that girl turns to me and says something like, “OMG! I love him. He’s so awesome!”

Which i reply, “Yeah, he is pretty stinking awesome!”

“You know how you can talk to someone and you feel like just a complete dork?”

“Yeah,”

“That’s how I feel talking to everyone”

Everyone except this one guy. He makes feel comfortable just being me! He’s so amazing, and I’m happy God put him into my life, just to know him because he makes me want to be better. He inspired me to mend the relationship with my parents because I saw just the love he has for them in the pictures I’ve seen, and it made me want to be like that again. He’s so amazing, and he doesn’t even try. I don’t think I’ll ever tell him how i think of him, cause that would be weird, but he certainly is amazing! I thank God for putting him in my life, so that I can see what it’s like to have a happy family life, and not only give me that yearning but the determination to go after it!

Willy shakes

Wed, 25 Feb 2009 03:01:32 GMT

Shakespeare. Just speaking (or in this case typing) this infamous name, awakes visions of love, murder and betrayal that have been taken from this master of literatures greatest works. With timeless stories of love such as “Romeo and Juliet”, and plays of murder and betrayal like “Macbeth” it is no wonder that Shakespeare’s name has endured the passing ages, but any great phenomenon doesn’t go without their share of gossip and speculation. (the only modern celebrity that has come close to matching the same interest as Shakespeare is probably that of Brittany Spears, and she and she had to go to death’s door and back, in order, to do it.) Over the passing centuries, EVERYTHING from Shakespeare’s sexual orientation, as well as, to who the credential for the famous plays and writings belong have been called into question. Even his birth date, and the 7 years between school and his work in the theatre have been subjects of debate. There have been rumors of him being a gay man, to a pedophile or a bi-sexual. Although the idea of his wonderfully beautiful sonnets being written about a little child or to another man is disgusting to me, I don’t think these factor into him being one of the world’s most prolific writer, and as for his birth date, I doubt it has any more bearing than that of vanity. And those 7 “lost years”, maybe those years was the time Shakespeare needed to develop his incredible genius. Perhaps, in those 7 years he found the subject of his inspiration. No matter what the reason for him being “lost”, I think most of the world could agree that he found something and it obviously worked for him. Many of Shakespeare’s works have been immortalized by plays, movies songs and other pop culture phenomenon, and it’s because of his many writings that we get many of our beloved love stories, tales of intrigue and our modern love songs. So this, little article/blog/note is a tribute to the great and wonderful “Willy Shakes!”)

There Comes a Time

Tue, 17 Feb 2009 03:22:29 GMT

There comes a time in life, when we must put away our childish thoughts and expand into the realm of maturity. Today is one of those days for me. I am staring at another cross roads in my short 16 years of life here on this corrupted beautiful earth. I have been given a chance. New life and now more abundantly. When I was 4 God called me to him, and once again when I had stranded far away from his face, he recalled me. AND I AM FOREVER CHANGED!!!! I am made new once more! He gives me life everyday! You can't possibly realize how precious that is until you have stared down death with the Divine Warrior on your side. The one who defeated death helped me to defeat the loneliness the bitterness the anger the sorrow and the pain that plagued my life, and I am made new!
He has yet again given me another chance and I intend on taking it, but first I realized I must be humbled and disciplined by my Father God. I must deal with some things that I have hidden deep within me without even knowing. They must be removed for me to keep moving foward, because any hinderance keeps me from my full potential. I want to be everything the Lord wants of me. (I say wants cause the Lord does not "need" me to make his plan work. If I say no he can call and use another) "It pleases me to serve the Father!"

Quiet thoughts

Thu, 04 Dec 2008 00:11:54 GMT

I'm sitting here in this quiet coffeshop just soaking in the day. I'm watching the people walking in and out going about their lives. And I'm struck by the realization that I am one in a sea of people. One breath in a pool of air. I am so insignifigant in the broad picture, but then I remember that I am beautifully and wonderfully made. The maker of the stars care about the "insignifigance" of my life. the little things that bother me he cares enough to listen and answer. When I call out his name he hears me. Amongst all the chaos of the day he listens to the chaos of my mind. He's the Creator of life. He's the builder of the universe. He's the glue that keeps the human body together. (Laminin, go ahead look it up) He's my anything and everything. Not only that, he's yours he's their's. The people that are walking across getting their incrediblely compilicated drinks, he is theirs. He is amazing, awe-inspiring and astounding. I have one question for you, the reader. Do YOU know him?

"HOLD MY HEART"

Mon, 24 Nov 2008 23:24:05 GMT

A few weeks ago, I had one of the hardest moments of my life both emotionally and spiritually. I have had "worse" things happen to me in my life, but because this involved my parents and their anger towards me and my decision to join a new church, it grew to be one of the hardest nights of my life.

The day had started like any other. I was running around getting ready for school and running around trying to find my jersey for the basketball team pictures later on that day. My mother told me to tell my dad whether or not we had practice just in case the pictures run long. I didn't know that she had already told him our practice ended at 6.
I went about my day as normal until we got to practice. The rest of the girls didn't know if we had practice either, but after our pictures we learned we had practice until 5 because the junior high had a game. When our coach got to the gym he decided to hold us over until 6. No big deal, because that was what practice was supposed to end.
Well, I called my dad to let him know we just got out of practice. He got all upset cause he wasn't there yet, being stuck in traffic and all that drama. (My dad is a little melodramatic.) It just so happened that night was a Drama Production and I had really wanted to go. I asked him if I could, and he got really upset with me telling me that I should have told him before so that he would have to get up. I explained to him we weren't sure that we had practice or not, because we had pictures and that junior high had a game.
He went off on me. Calling me a liar, because my mother had already told him we had practice till 6. Yelling at me that I had known all day that we had practice, but didn't care enough to call and ask earlier. I kept telling him that I hadn't known. Picture days are always different and that with the junior high game we didn't have the gym. He kept insisting and screaming at me that I was lying. I was trying not to make a scene because I was on the phone, but I was on the verge of tears. How could keep telling me I was a liar? I was telling the truth and he wasn't listening. I should have known to stop talking. I was just digging me a deeper whole, but it was breaking my heart that he didn't believe me. He started bashing me. Telling me, "YOU'RE A LIAR!!! I KNOW HOW YOU TREAT YOUR MOTHER!! YOU MAY GET AWAY WITH LYING WITH HER, BUT NOT WITH ME." He kept on like that for what felt like a lifetime. Somehow, I can't even remember how, but he got so mad that he pulled me out of basketball. He literally, went to my coach and told me that I was no longer going to be a part of this team.
It took everything I could just to stay standing. My heart was broken and it was beginning to shatter. I walked into the bathroom before we left to wipe my eyes before the tears began to flow, and I prayed to the Lord. "Lord, I don't know why this is happening, but if you want me to go through this, then I'm going to need your help. There is no way I can make it through this night on my own."
My father was so angry, and I knew if I started crying it would only make things worse. What could I do? I just kept praying to the Lord for my father not to push the subject. Just let him cool off on the ride home, but that wasn't the Lord's plan. He was using that moment, that conversation to put to rest other things that had been weighing my heart down. I had to go through the fire before I could feel any peace. Let me tell you right now, the next few hours after I closed that car door changed my entire outlook. Everything I went through was worth it in the end because God moved. He moved my parents hearts. He was starting to open a door they had not realized had closed and I was his tool. Believe me it was hard, but I just kept thinking about that song I had prayed so many times.
"When the whole world turns against me,
and I'm all by myself,
and I can't hear You answer my cries for help.
I'll remember the suffering your Love put You through.
And I WILL go through the FIRE if You want me to."

Once I had gotten into the car my father continued with his argument. Asking me, "WHY??? WHY DO TREAT ME AND YOUR MOTHER THIS WAY?? HUH? WHY DO YOU TREAT US LIKE WE'RE STUPID? WHY DO YOU CONSTANTLY LIE TO US? WHY? JUST ANSWER ME THAT?"
All I could mutter was, "I'm not lying. I'm telling you the truth."
That threw him into a raged. He kept yelling and I curled up into a ball against the side of the door. I was to afraid of his anger to even look at him. The tears were flowing now.
I asked him, "Why don't you believe me?"
"Your mother already told me that you had practice till 6.
I said, "It's picture day. Picture days are always different."
"YOU KNOW I WOULD BELIEVE THAT IF YOUR MOTHER WOULDN'T HAVE TOLD ME ALREADY THAT YOU HAD PRACTICE TILL 6. YA SEE, THAT'S HOW I KNOW YOUR LYING! STOP LYING TO ME."
"I'm not."
I continued to explain, but my explanation had fallen on deaf ears. I knew I should have been quiet, but I was tired of him calling me a liar. I wasn't lying. I kept telling him the truth, but he wouldn't listen. When he hit the dashboard it took every single part of my Will to keep me in that car. We were still parked, and every cell in my body wanted to run.
He kept bashing other parts of my life.
"Why do you treat us like we're STUPID! DO YOU THINK YOU KNOW EVERYTHING?! HUH? CAUSE IF YOU DO, I PUT YOU OUT THERE ON THE STREETS where you can KNOW AND DO EVERYTHING ON YOUR OWN! IF THAT WHAT YOU WANT? CAUSE I HAVE NO PROBLEM DOING THAT! YOU THINK I NEED THIS KIND OF STRESS. Cause i don't. I can pull you out of this school, MAKE MY LIFE A WHOLE LOT EASIER."
I couldn't answer him. If I did I'd end up never seeing my parents ever again. I wanted to take him up on his offer to put me out on the streets. I'd do anything just to make him happy. If I was such a burden it would be better for me to go live on the street and die alone without hurting anybody else, but I had promised myself that I would never run away. Never. No matter how bad things got, I would stay and tough it out because I at least owed my parents that much, so I dismissed that thought quickly.
He continued to list off all my indiscretions. I knew he was right, and I stupidly said, "I know."
"YOU KNOW?"
"I MEAN...I MEAN YOU'RE RIGHT! I DO THOSE THINGS, AND I SHOULDN'T, " I scrambled to correct my wording his anger was boiling and I was stroking the flames.
Not to long after that my father and I were on the road. Heading home. I kept begging the Lord to let us make it home in one piece. I begged him to save one piece of my heart because I knew it was only going to get worse. I was weeping and my head hurt so bad. I could barely see and my chest hurt from crying.
My father looked at my deportment and snickered, "You sure got your act down pack. If I didn't already know any better I'd believe those tears were real, but ya see I'm smarter than that."
That one cold statement froze the pieces of my heart left. I couldn't believe he could ever say something like that. He didn't believe anything about me. He didn't know anything about me. He thought he did, but he didn't. I was, am different from who I was. How could he sit there and judge me on what I used to be. What I still struggled to overcome. The difference between who I was and who I am was that I cared. And the Evil Once was using who I had been to try and destroy what I was becoming. I felt a whole ripping inside of my chest.
My father brought up again who I had treated my mom. I knew he was right. I treated her horribly. With such disdain and disrespect. My heart hurt even worse now. Not for what my father had said necessarily, but because I knew it was true. I had tried to change that months before, but circumstance would influence my efforts. My mother was angry. Some of the things she had said to me before I knew weren't true, but they still hurt. Leaving little tears here and there in my heart, making it easier to shatter on this long ride home. They were horrible things. My mother had told me more than once before that "I was the reason people killed themselves, why innocent babies die at birth and why we have war in this country." All because of me.
I tried to tell him, I was trying, but he wouldn't listen. I tried to be gentle. Telling him that my mom had said and done things that caused me to react. I told him I knew that I shouldn't have reacted those ways, but I did.
He wouldn't have that. Me, accusing my mother of wrong-doing when it was so "clearly obvious that I was the reason she had said those things". I caused it all.
I had been through that statement before, and I knew it wasn't true. God had showed me that not everything can be caused by one person alone. It couldn't have all been me. I can't/don't hold that much power.
I held on to that truth for dear life. It was all I had, and the Lord had already given it to me, possibly for this moment. My father still wouldn't listen. So I told him some of the things my mother had said.
I had never seen my father that angry. He probably turned purple, but the road we were on was dark with no street lights, sparing me from his entire reaction.
He screamed, "THAT'S A BOLD FACE LIE! THAT'S A BOLD FACE LIE!" hitting the dash as hard as he could, literally yelling at the top of his lungs. With ever strike against the car and moved closer and closer to the door. I was scared. I was afraid he was going to hit me. I prayed to the Lord to help my father keep his promise to Him. (My father had promised to God that once he had gotten married and had kids, he would do what his father did. Beat his children. He vowed to never lay his had on any one of us.) I knew my father would never purposely hit me, but I know all to well what anger can do to a person. I used to be that angry. I prayed to the Lord to calm him so that he wouldn't do something that he would regret, because that alone would destroy him. If he ever let himself get to that place that would kill him before any earthly thing could touch him. I prayed hard for my father. I was tired of hurting my parents, and I didn't want to be the reason he lost control.
My father continued to scream, but he no longer hit the dash and I could tell he was becoming as weary as I was.
"YOUR MOTHER WOULD NEVER SAY ANYTHING LIKE THAT TO YOU! SHE LOVES YOU! SHE WOULD DIE FOR YOU...SHE ALMOST DID DIE FOR YOU!"
I couldn't believe he'd said that. If there was any part of my heart unbroken it was shattered with that statement. After the shock settled, and I realized he'd really said it. I knew how angry I had made him, and then I was angry. Not with him, but with myself. My father would not have normally said that and I couldn't believe he really had. New tears flowed. No longer tears of fear or anger, but of sorrow.
My father had really lost that much faith in me that he would stoop that low in order to hurt me enough that I would back down.
(You see, my mother had a hard labor with me. I almost killed her. Once I was born she started to bleed out, and she had to get a hysterectomy. I'm the reason she can't have anymore children, and that has always bothered me. It's the deepest possible hurt I have concerning my parents. If one thing would have gone wrong I wouldn't have had a mother, and my life would be completely different.)
We both remained silent the rest of the ride home. We were both exhausted, and I was hurt beyond repair (so I thought).
My mother happened to call, and I had thought it was over but my father explained to her that we all had some serious talking to do.

I was so tired. I went up into my room. I couldn't feel anything but pain. I prayed hard to the Lord. I cried my eyes out, but before I did anything else I put in a new CD my mother had bought me and it was in those lyrics I found my heart's song to the Lord and His response.
The first song I prayed hard was called "Hold My Heart":

"How long must I pray
Must I pray to you?
How long must I wait,
Must I wait for you?
How long till I see your face,
See you shining through?

I'm on my knees
Begging you to notice me.
I'm on my knees
Father will you turn to me.

ONE TEAR IN THE DRIVING RAIN
ONE VOICE IN A SEA OF PAIN
COULD THE MAKER OF THE STARS
HEAR THE SOUND OF MY BREAKING HEART
ONE LIFE, THAT'S ALL I AM
RIGHT NOW I CAN BARELY STAND
IF YOU'RE EVERYTHING YOU SAY YOU ARE
WOULD YOU COME CLOSE
AND HOLD MY HEART

I've been so afraid, afraid to close my eyes
So much can slip away before I say goodbye
But if there's no other way
I'm done asking why

I'M ON MY KNEES
BEGGING YOU TO TURN TO ME
I'M ON MY KNEES
FATHER WILL YOU RUN TO ME

ONE TEAR IN THE DRIVING RAIN
ONE VOICE IN A SEA OF PAIN
COULD THE MAKER OF THE STARS
HEAR THE SOUND OF MY BREAKING HEART
ONE LIFE, THAT'S ALL I AM
RIGHT NOW I CAN BARELY STAND
IF YOU'RE EVERYTHING YOU SAY YOU ARE
WOULD YOU COME CLOSE
AND HOLD MY HEART

So many questions without answers
Your promises remain
I can't see but I'll take my chances
To hear you call my name
To hear you call my name

ONE TEAR IN THE DRIVING RAIN
ONE VOICE IN A SEA OF PAIN
COULD THE MAKER OF THE STARS
HEAR THE SOUND OF MY BREAKING HEART
ONE LIFE, THAT'S ALL I AM
RIGHT NOW I CAN BARELY STAND
IF YOU'RE EVERYTHING YOU SAY YOU ARE
WOULD YOU COME CLOSE
AND HOLD MY HEART

HOLD MY HEART
WOULD YOU HOLD MY HEART
HOLD MY HEART?"

I cried and screamed and prayed this song at the top of my lungs. Over and over again I prayed that chorus. I was pouring my heart out to him, begging to hear me and calm my parents. To let them understand. In the midst of my praying I tried to believe what my father had told me. That I was a liar. I tried so hard to believe that what I was saying was a lie. That my mother never had really said those things that I made them up. That it really was my fault, but the Lord wouldn't let me. He kept whispering "It's the truth. Believe the truth."
Then the next song on the album played and the first part of it really gave me comfort.
It's called "Times"
"I know I need You
I need to love You
I'd love to see You but it's been so long

I long to feel You
I feel this need for You
I need to hear You
Is that so wrong?
(I was telling him how I felt with those lyrics. That I really did need his help, even through those trial. If he wanted me to go through them I'd need him right there.)

Now You pull me near You
When we're close I fear You
Still I'm afraid to tell You all that I've done

Are you done forgiving?
Can You look past my pretending?
I'm so tired of defending what I've become
What have I become?

But I hear you Say
MY LOVE IS OVER
IT'S UNDERNEATH
IT'S INSIDE
AND IN BETWEEN

The times you doubt me
And when you can't feel
The times you question
Is this for real?

The times that you're broken
The times that you mend
The times you hate me
And the times that you bend

MY LOVE IS OVER
IT'S UNDERNEATH
IT'S INSIDE
AND IN BETWEEN

The times that you're healing
And when your heart breaks
The times that you feel like you've fallen
from grace

The times that you're hurting
The times that you heal
The times you go hungry and are tempted to steal

In times of confusion
In chaos and pain
I'm there in your sorrow under the weight of your shame

I'm there in your heart-ache
I'm there through the storm
My love I will keep you by my power alone

I don't care where you've fallen or where you have been
I'll never forsake you
My love never ends
It never ends”

This song really helped me calm my spirit, and the next song that came on. Touched my heart, and when it was over I realized my heart that I thought was broken beyond repair was whole again.

IT's called "Beloved"
I like to call it "God's love song to us"

"Love of my Life
Look deep in My eyes
There you will find what you need

Give me your life
The lust and the lies
And the past your afraid I might see
You've been running away from me

YOU'RE MY BELOVED LOVER
I'M YOURS
DEATH SHALL NOT PART US
IT'S YOU I DIED FOR
FOR BETTER OR WORSE
FOREVER WE'LL BE
MY LOVE IT UNITES US AND IT BINDS YOU TO ME
IT'S A MYSTERY

Love of my Life
Look deep in my eyes
There you will find what you need

I'm the giver of life
I'll clothe you in white
My immaculate bride you will be
Come running home to me

YOU'RE MY BELOVED LOVER
I'M YOURS
DEATH SHALL NOT PART US
IT'S YOU I DIED FOR
FOR BETTER OR WORSE
FOREVER WE'LL BE
MY LOVE IT UNITES US AND IT BINDS YOU TO ME
IT'S A MYSTERY

You've been a mistress, my wife
Chasing lovers that won't satisfy
Won't you let me make you my bride
You will drink of my lips and you'll taste new life

YOU'RE MY BELOVED LOVER
I'M YOURS
DEATH SHALL NOT PART US
IT'S YOU I DIED FOR
FOR BETTER OR WORSE
FOREVER WE'LL BE
MY LOVE IT UNITES US AND IT BINDS YOU TO ME
IT'S A MYSTERY"

After I had poured my soul out to the Lord for what was an hour and a half, I turned to my Bible, and immediately I found this scripture.

PSALM 31:

"1 In you, O LORD, do I take refuge;
    let me never be put to shame;
   in your righteousness deliver me! 2Incline your ear to me;
   rescue me speedily! Be a rock of refuge for me,
   a strong fortress to save me!
3For you are my rock and my fortress;
   and for your name’s sake you lead me and guide me; 4you take me out of the net they have hidden for me,
   for you are my refuge. 5Into your hand I commit my spirit;
   you have redeemed me, O LORD, faithful God.
6 I hate those who pay regard to worthless idols,
   but I trust in the LORD. 7I will rejoice and be glad in your steadfast love,
   because you have seen my affliction;
   you have known the distress of my soul, 8and you have not delivered me into the hand of the enemy;
   you have set my feet in a broad place.
9Be gracious to me, O LORD, for I am in distress;
    my eye is wasted from grief;
   my soul and my body also. 10For my life is spent with sorrow,
   and my years with sighing; my strength fails because of my iniquity,
   and my bones waste away.
11Because of all my adversaries I have become a reproach,
   especially to my neighbors, and an object of dread to my acquaintances;
   those who see me in the street flee from me. 12I have been forgotten like one who is dead;
   I have become like a broken vessel. 13For I hear the whispering of many—
   terror on every side!— as they scheme together against me,
   as they plot to take my life.
14But I trust in you, O LORD;
   I say, "You are my God." 15My times are in your hand;
    rescue me from the hand of my enemies and from my persecutors! 16 Make your face shine on your servant;
   save me in your steadfast love! 17O LORD, let me not be put to shame,
   for I call upon you; let the wicked be put to shame;
   let them go silently to Sheol. 18Let the lying lips be mute,
   which speak insolently against the righteous
   in pride and contempt.
19Oh, how abundant is your goodness,
   which you have stored up for those who fear you and worked for those who take refuge in you,
    in the sight of the children of mankind! 20Inthe cover of your presence you hide them
   from the plots of men; you store them in your shelter
   from the strife of tongues.
21Blessed be the LORD,
   for he has wondrously shown his steadfast love to me
   when I was in a besieged city. 22I had said in my alarm,
   "I am cut off from your sight."But you heard the voice of my pleas for mercy
   when I cried to you for help.
23Love the LORD, all you his saints!
   The LORD preserves the faithful
   but abundantly repays the one who acts in pride. 24 Be strong, and let your heart take courage,
   all you who wait for the LORD!”

After reading this I prayed one final time letting the Lord know that I knew he would be with me when I went to go talk to my parents, and that I would wait on him to "save me in his steadfast love" and help heal this hurt between me and my parents.
After praying, I put down my Bible and I let the music play. I started my homework and waited for my parents to call me. When my father came to knock on my door this one song just happened to be playing. It gave me hope and kinda made me laugh. Only God has this kinda timing.

"By Your side":

"Why are you striving these days?
Why are you trying to earn grace?
Why are you crying?
Let me lift up your face
Just don't turn away

Why are you looking for love?
Tell me why are you still searching as if I'm not enough?
To where will you go child
Tell me where will you run?
To where will you run?

CAUSE I'LL BE BY YOUR SIDE WHEREVER YOU FALL
IN THE DEAD OF NIGHT WHEREVER YOU CALL
PLEASE DON'T FIGHT THESE HANDS THAT ARE HOLDING YOU
MY HANDS ARE HOLDING YOU"

No one out there can hear those lyrics as you go to face the storm and not take heart.

The next following moments were the most miraculous moments of my 16 years. My father was no longer angry. My mother and father had talked for the 2 hours I was in my room. The Lord had moved mountains. I was in awe of God and his power. As we sat there we began to talk. My parents apologized to me for not believing me and for the things they had said. I apologized for my end because I was a major contributor to the trouble. I couldn't help but feel joy on the inside. My heart felt like it was stitched up and already beginning the process of healing. God could have completely taken that hurting feeling away, but I think he wanted me to remember that feeling so that it would inspire me to change my ways. To remind me of what he had done and what he could do.

When my father apologized for calling me a liar, it was like my heart opened inside my chest. I felt it bursting inside. I was so happy and overjoyed. He had faith in me again, and I was determined to keep it. I never wanted my father to ever lose that much faith in me again.
“The long night was over and gone. I thought once this dark would last for so long, but I feel the sunlight on my face. [He] has brought me to this place. Jesus, You found me. Through the long night and you set me free.” (Barlow Girl)

The next day I still bore the effects on my face. My face was pale from the stress, my eyes were swollen and tired from the crying my head still ached, but on my face I wore a smile. The Lord had restored my parent’s and mine relationship. I had more joy in my heart then I had had in a really long time, and I’m proud to say that it has continued to this day and will. I may get angry. I may get sad, but I will always have this to remember when God was good to me, and how good he will remain.

Our God is an Awesome God. He is wonderful and powerful. He will protect his children, and he is worth following. He has done more for me than most people may see in a lifetime, and I have my life to thank him with. It’s all I have in this work, but for him it’s enough.

Intro

Fri, 04 Jul 2008 15:21:37 GMT

Well, I don't really know how this introduction is supposed to work so here it goes.

My name is Naomi. I am 16 years and I live at home with my parents. I am a junior in high school, and I am looking forward to the last two years I have left at my school. I love to write (there's a shock). I love the whole process of thinking and creating characters that feel and live in the words my writings, as well as, the minds of my friends. I draw much inspiration for my writings from my life, and the people around me.
I have been described as "a knowledgeable teenager with wisdom beyond my years and an exceptionable ability to love" by the people who have read me online but a "scatter brained idealist who has no concern for the people with whom I socialize, as well as, a silly teenage girl with a distorted view of romance" by people who actually know me (so you can see that I am a walking contradiction. =]....Not really). I like to think of myself as someone who can explore both sides of my personality. I can be both analytical and idealistic, as well as, wise and a little bit spastic.
I love my friends and family more than almost anything, and will go to extreme lengths to protect them. I write for pleasure and personal reflexion. To the reader I hope you enjoy what my subconscious has created.

I guess that's good enough for an intro.

Hamlet

Fri, 27 Jun 2008 15:19:43 GMT

Well, I recently started my summer reading list, which does include Hamlet, and I've discovered a love for Shakespeare. He is an amazing writer. (Well, duh..right?) His sonnets are particularly astounding. My favorite so far is Sonnet 17, and a line from Sonnet 34.
"Though you repent, yet I have still the loss." - from Sonnet 34.

"If I could write the beauty of your eyes,
And in fresh numbers number your graces,
The ages to come would say 'This poet lies
Such heavenly touches ne'er toucht earthly faces,"-from Sonnet 17

I'm thinking about incorporating some lines from Shakespeare in my writing. Not like plagiarism or anything, but maybe an emotional tie between charactars. Like if they both like to read Shakespeare and a bond is formed etc. I don't know, but I am really enjoying Hamlet. One part that I found most humorous is when Hamlet exclaims "Frailty thy name is woman!". It actually made me laugh out loud mostly because it was such an obnoxious statement. Well, thankyou for reading my post.

Explanation of my Dreams

Wed, 18 Jun 2008 02:43:52 GMT

I know I've already posted on here about my dreams that "seem" to come true. I almost don't believe myself at times, but I do have proof (for myself at least) of one dream that I had that did come true.
To help clarify how I actually see my dreams I'd like to explain them now. When I have dreams that are seen through my body the clarity of my vision is determined by whether or not I'm wearing my glasses in that point of time that I'm dreaming about. I know it sounds weird but it's true. I've had dreams that were clearer than others because the small glimpse of the future that I had involved me wearying glasses. It sounds weird now, but when I think about it it makes sense. If I'm looking through my eyes it makes sense that my vision would be influeced by vision correction. Another way I describe is like when you watch a movie that involves a flashback, the flashback usually has a frosted look. That's sorta how mine look, but I most like to describe it as a memory. If you have a photographic memory you know what I'm talking about. You can see it in my minds eye enough to know what your looking at or even enough to read what it says, but it has a distinct look. Kind of like old film.
Well, back to my "proof". I play basketball in my school. Around the end of December or beginning of January I had a dream. Just a small clip. I was in a gymnasium of a public school. (I knew it wasn't my school gym because my school is private.) It was bright in certain spots because of the type of lighting. There was a tall man that I had never seen before and a young girl around 8th grade age standing infront of me. One had been talking to what had been the group. I remembered that I felt slimy, such as, from sweating and that I had a certain expression on my face. I can't describe it but I remember how it felt on my muscle. The guy looked at me like he'd seen me before (in the dream) and the girl looked at me the same way. When i woke up I obviously didn't know what it meant or who it was. I just went on with my life. I didn't even recognize anyone. (Usually my dreams involve people I know). Well, a few months later I was at a Basketball Tournament. I was invited (my whole team) to attend a basketball camp that was held on the opposite side of town. I really wanted to up my skill level so my mom decided to take me. The first lesson was really good. I had alot of fun. The second time we lined up for sprints. He was talking to us as we caught our breath, and when he looked my direction I recognized that same look from my dream. Immediately the picture of my dream popped into my head, and to the left walking across my path was the girl in my dream with the same expression. The instructor voice caught and it was like he recognized it too. It was definitely weird. It was the first time I had ever seen someone react in the same way that I did over the same situation. I sometimes wonder if he had a dream too. I'll never know cause I stopped going.
It was the first time I had ever had a dream of someone who I'd never met in a place that I'd never been to and someone who had the same shocked expression that I had on my face. Sometimes I think God sends me dreams so that I know I have this gift. To give me confidence. (or is that wishful thinking)
Well, anyways thanks for reading.

A group of friends

Wed, 18 Jun 2008 02:16:43 GMT

Friends:
Penelope,
Mercedez,
Charlie

These three friends inseparable. They met in High School but when bonds usually are weak and fragile these three remain stronger than steel. These are there stories. I hope you enjoy the ride.

"UUUUUGGGGGG!!!!!!!! My mother makes me so mad!" yelled Mercedez into the phone. Eventhough to her in seemed like yelling to Charlie it was like a slight change in her voice. "Sometimes...sometimes I just wanna.."
"Oh, come on Mercedez. She couldn't of done anything that bad," quieted Charlie.
"You don't understand. She is always on my case about every little thing. It's summer for crying out loud. She won't even give me enough space to breath."
"I know what you mean. My mom's been the same way lately. It's really annoying."
"I really miss all you guys," stated Mercedez.
"Yeah, I know what you mean. You know my birthday's coming up," replied Charlie.
"Yeah! I know. You're gonna love the present I got you."
"Really? What is it?"
"Please, like I'm gonna tell you."
"Yeah, I know. Just checkin' ".
There was a knock at Mercedez door. Charlie heard her Mercedez mother nagging her again. Why can't adults just realize that life doesn't have to be planned out. Sure it would help, but you can't worry so much about life that you forget to live it. If we really trust in the Lord, we wouldn't constantly be needing to prepare for "just in case". Parents tend to forget that little concept. It's okay to provide for your kids because your supposed to, but you don't have to keep breathing down their necks about what they're going to do with the rest of their lives. Maybe, if parents actually put that same effort to getting to know their kids, they'd actually have a good relationship. So many parents want to force old dreams of becoming a doctor or lawyer or whatever for stupid meaningless reasons. The reasons could be as simple as well they might be good at it or as superficial as how well it pays. Either way their child will be much more happy if their parents actually cared about what their kid actually wants. At least, that's how these two besties came to understand it.

"Uh, it's my mom. I gotta go mow the lawn. I'll talk to ya later Charlezie."
"You got it Cedez."
Click. The phone may have been off the hook, but their two thoughts continued .

Note from the Author:
For all of you who love to read my work and critique. This piece or soon to be pieces are for entertainment purposes only. I do not wish for critique. You can comment if you want or tell me how "teenage" these charactars sound, but how else am I going to get my "silly" over-exaggerated teenage thoughts out. You can laugh at them all you want if you find them humorous. It's just a way for me to blow off steam. Thank you for reading.

Belated Birthday Bliss

Wed, 18 Jun 2008 01:39:52 GMT

Today, I was invited to visit my best friend Faith at her house. I unsuspectingly opened the door, and there was her with all her brothers surprising me with a birthday party. Birthday cake and all sitting on the table awaiting my arrival. I was so shocked I couldn't even speak.
This year had been the most horrific birthday of my life. My father exploded in his anger towards me, my parents didn't even care enough to buy me a cake, and the only person who was concerned that I wasn't celebrating my SIXTEENTH birthday was my alcoholic grandfather. I cried myself to sleep on my birthday, and I realized that my family and I had finally lost the "Happy" in not only birthdays but also holidays.
I was just so excited to see my friend that I really hadn't been expecting it. Not even after they surprised me buy inviting my other best friend Anastasia. It's so wonderful to have friends like this. So wonderful to know that someone would remember me and care more about my "needs" but about who I really am.

Writer's Block: Favorite Lyrics

Mon, 16 Jun 2008 05:48:50 GMT

What song lyrics would you love to have written, and why?

View 506 Answers

Another I like was in the movie "Moulin Rouge".

"My gift is my song,
And this one's for you,
...
It may be quite simple but now that's it's done,
I hope you don't mind
I hope you don't mind,
That I put down in words how wonderful life is now you're in the world."

The underlined is my favorite line. It's so sweet. You're telling someone that they literally make your life better by just being alive. That's alot to say to someone."

"Never knew I could feel like this,
Like I've never seen the sky before,
Want to vanish inside your kiss,
[Everyday I'm loving you more and more,

Listen to my heart,
Can you hear it sing,
Come back to me,
And forgive everything,]

Seasons may change,
Winter to Spring,
But I love you until the end of time.

Come what May,
Come what May,
[Come what May,
Come what May,]

I will love you until my dying day.
[Come what may,
Come what may
I will love you until my dying day.]

Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place,
Suddenly it moves with such a perfect grace,
Suddenly my life doesn't seem such a waste,
It all revolves around you.

And there's no mountain too high,
No river to wide,
Sing out this song
And I'll be there by your side,
Storm clouds may gather,
And stars may collide,

But I love you until the end of time,
Come What May,
Come What May,
I will love you.

{Choir sings}

I will love,
Yes, I will love {Come What May}
I will love you until my Dying Day."

I love the whole song. the words in [] are only in the finale, while the ones in {} are what the choir sings at the end with the singers.
If you can't see why I love the song lyrically you need to hear it for yourself. Everything is absolutely beautiful.

Writer's Block: Favorite Lyrics

Mon, 16 Jun 2008 05:30:46 GMT

What song lyrics would you love to have written, and why?

View 506 Answers

Billy Currington's song: "Must be Doin Somethin Right"

"A woman is a mystery a man just can't understand,
Sometimes all it takes to please her is a touch of your hand,
And other times you gotta take it slow,
And hold her all night long,
Heaven knows there's so many ways a man can wrong
.........
I just heard ya sigh,
You lean into my kiss and close those deep blue need you eyes,
Don't know what I did to earn a love like this,
But Baby, I must be doin somethin right"

I love that whole song, but this is my favorite part. The underlined is the chorus. I just love everything it says, and the melody is positively intoxicating. For some reason there's a draw to that kind of emotion. I love it. I want that some day, but for now I'm happy just loving the song.

New Story

Sat, 14 Jun 2008 11:23:57 GMT

Currently I have three stories in production. One of which I have posted in here already, "New Hope". If i can recall correctly, Mo the horse was beloved by a few people. =) Well, anyway, this story is in a completely different direction. It is called "The Land of Termir". It begins with a scribe writing the history of how the House of the Sun came into power in the Land of Termir:

"This is the recount of the rise of the House of the Sun. As I understand it, this is the new tongue of the English speaking. This new dialect would feel queer on my lips, and I do prefer the pen when compared to the novelties of human speech, since I haven't much practice at it. However, I will relay the events and conversations as they were, in their original speech, however I will take into consideration the difference in the ways of speaking and the idioms that one of the new generation would find incomprehendible. You will have to forgive me. My memory can fail me at times. There isn't much that I can remember, not much I can recall, then again my sense of time is much more vast the one might expect. For the telling of this Tale I will begin from the beginning of the revolution and the return of the true rulers of the Land of Termir. "

Pyrias,
Head Scribe in the Golden Age

She was like no woman he had ever seen before. She had long flowing hair and eyes of the icy blue ocean, in which he could lose himself quite easily. She had almost a magical effect on him. When she would turn her gaze his direction, memories that he had long ago repressed would force themselves to the surface. They would come softly to his minds eye, then in a fury force the pain they bore back into his heart.
They always began in the same way. A vision of him greeting his father in the study of the Emperor at the humble age of ten. A conversation that had long ago been carried away by the wind would replay in front of his eyes. It was been the day of the moon festival held in honor of the House of Luna, the former leader of Termir. This night was meant to be one of feasting and joy in celebration of the ancient power that had brought the House to power, but this night would be one that would spark the end of the monarchy and peace in the Land.
Many centuries ago along with the House of Luna, an ancient Mage named Sade that was said to be the very one that had bestowed Termir with its immence beauty formed a powerful league of advisors called the Pine. The Pine was composed of four noble families, the House of Fire, The House of Water, The House of Winds and the House of Earth. These families had proven themselves worthy to the powerful being, and to reward them for their deeds she gave them authority over the Land, but with this she gave one condition, the complete submission to her will. All of the men of each House when called upon must obey whatever she commanded. Perhaps it had been each men's honor or own lust for power that had been their reason to accept, but all agreed to the terms and were given what she had promised. After they had recieved their reward Sade once again found favor in the Pine and the House of Luna. This time she gave each House a gift, a special power that would separate each of them. The House of Fire recieved the ability to control and create the flame, the House of Water the ability to control and maintain the currents of the River. The House of Winds received the ability to control the weather, and The House of Earth to control the shape of the ground. The House of Luna which was the head of this new kingdom was given the most precious gifts of all. They were granted long life, the ability to see the future and the power of a strong mind. Each House cultivated their abilities and made the Land of Termir a even more beautiful place, but nearly 3 millenias after this had been done the Pine had become corrupt. Each House of the Pine had rejected the agreement set forth by their ancestors. Sade had called upon the House of Water, the House of Winds and the House of Earth but each had disobeyed. She decided to give them one last chance.
In her anger towards the Pine Sade commanded the youngest of the House of Fire to kill the youngest of the House of Luna which was to be born a fortnight before the moon festival. When he refused Sade was enraged and asked him why he defied her. The young boy replied that he did not see the honor in killing a defenseless babe for the sins of its fathers. He begged her forgiveness.
With this plea Sade's heart was softened. She bestowed unto him a prophecy that only he would see come true to completion. These are her words,
"Young one, you have that which your family had sworn to me, but I have seen your heart and will bestow mercy for your purity. There is corruption in the Pine, and I must destroy that which I made, but I will give you what no other of the Pine will receive, Redemption. I shall give you the gift of long life, but with it comes a curse. You shall roam this land for a millenia, and on the sacred night of the moon festival of that final year you will establish a new kingdom in this land, and with it you shall establish a new house, the House of the Sun. With this new kingdom the morning and the night will become one, and the days of it shall be great, for you, young one, are noble and just. It is you that will see these things and no one else. You shall be the only of the Pine whom will be witness to its destruction and to the rise of this new kingdom. "
It is these words that gave him deep sorrow, for all that which she spoke of the Pine were true. When he found out about the evils that it bore, he was ashamed to be a son of the Pine and cast off his name. He took upon the name Asa for himself, and his life did grow exceedingly long, but with every passing year he grew bitter toward the Land and its people. He had tried to live as a normal man, but there was one part of the curse that Sade did not mention. With his long life his body did not age at the same rate as a normal man. Although he had grown out of the youthful innocence that a child of ten bares, his body had only developed into that of a young adult leaving him to a life of solitude.
All those things that had happened were only memories now. Memories that were awakened with the sight of her, and it is her that will forever change the story.

The Dream

Fri, 13 Jun 2008 22:11:29 GMT

Okay, I've told everyone who I trust what dream I had almost 5 months ago.
Although it was a dream and many people will think I'm crazy. I think it was a prophecy. I've had prophetic dreams before, and I believe this one was it.
First, I have to explain how I dreamt the dream.At, First it was like I was living the dream, then there was a moment when I realized I was dreaming, but I could still feel the emotions of the "future" me. It was like I was aloud to live the future events through my eyes, but I was still seeing the future, so the events happened as they will in the future. So, to put in perspective, it's like filming something like a walk to the car, then looking at it as you walk to the car (except with the future). I know it sound confusing, but that's the best way I can describe it.

I have more details written somewhere else, but I'll give you the basic gist of the dreams.

FIRST:
There were three distinct parts to this dream.
The beginning:
I was just chill'in out with people in someone's house. The walls were a auburn color, and the house had a warm country feel. I was having fun, and I walked down the stairs and was talking to some guys who were at the bottom. As of this day, I've never met the main guy that I talked to who I call JD (john doe). For some reason I was meant to see him in the dream, although I don't know why. This part of the dream flashed back and forth, with talking to JD or walking around the house.

SECOND:
Which was the worst part of the dream. I remembered it in great detail, although now it's beginning to fade. I'll do the best I can.
I was either in 15 passenger van or one of those big family vans. Any way this particular van had blinds, thick blinds. A few girls were sitting in front of me. Laura Husband in the front seat with Viole. Mrs. Harding in the seat nearest the window on the second row (who at the beginning I was sitting next to her). A few girls behind me, but I didn't look behind me, although I did recognize Emily's voice.We were all talking and having a fun time when we all heard this pop/boom sound. It's hard to describe without telling you what it was. It's kinda like when you hear someone fall on a stage or when a weight is dropped on a wooden box.
I heard Laura say, "What was that?"
I was now on the third row when I sat up and looked around the van. (This is the point where the future began to play out in front of me, but the present me was in shock. The future me continued with her actions). I had a deja vu moment. Somehow I knew what was going to see when Mrs. Harding pulled back the blinds.
Not to far away from where we were, there was a tall blonde girl getting out of a dark steel blue mini-van or maybe a navy I can't remember. She had on a tatter style dress and 2 to 3 in heels. I saw her get out put something into the van and we heard the pop/boom sound again. It was a gun. It was bright outside, but I could still see it. The next part was the most disturbing. A woman who had obviously not seen the gun yet was walking over to the mini-van. She had two children with her circling around her. The woman had on a long sleeve-less denim dress that had a white T-shirt underneath. She was carrying 2 or 3 binders with a few papers on top. She had looked down at the children running around right before the girl shot the gun the second time. When she looked up, the gunwoman held the gun pointed at the woman walking. I could see her balk at the sight of it, and the fear that shot through her as she realized she was going to die. I saw her draw a deep that breath in panic that would ultimately be her last.
The gunwoman/ girl shot one or two shots I can't remember and killed that woman. I don't remember if she killed the children I just remember them screaming.
The gunwoman/girl laughed. This horrible laugh where she used her whole chest to laugh. People began to get out of their cars. One by one she picked them off. Laughing the whole time. People ran inside the church, but she continued to kill more people.
Inside the van all the girls started to panic. I yelled at them, "Call the police!"
A random thought crossed my mind. I don't think it pertained to the situation, but was a clue to where I was. "I know we're not supposed to have our phones, but..." Immediately, I moved to the second seat where Mrs. Harding was. There was a knock at the door, and I pushed Mrs. Harding back to shield her. I scooted myself over to the door. I was determined to protect the girls in the van. If someone was coming in to hurt us, I was going to jump'em. A thought that I'm going to die went through my mind, but I still decided to protect them. The door swung open and a flash of bright light came in. I saw a man with a baseball cap and he pulled me out by my ankle.

THIRD:
I walked through the church. I saw the bodies strewn across the floor with the look of death in their eyes.
A good time later I was walking into the cafeteria. I remember feeling nothing. No anger, no sorrow. I was numb. I saw the faces of only a few people I recognized who had evidently been in the attack. A couple of them still had stitches on their faces, and bruises. I remember feeling nothing until I saw Clint walk into the room. He looked broken then when he looked at me he was filled with anger. I finally felt something. My heart was breaking.

Those were the three parts of the dreams. It's weighed on my mind whether not to tell J.J. The youth pastor. I just don't want it to be real, but everything points to it being a prophecy. I'm really scared.

Nothing of Importance

Fri, 13 Jun 2008 21:35:45 GMT

Tears well up my eyes,
my heart fills with the familiar comfort of Anger.
Why do I seek it's corrupt guidance?
Can I not escape from its horrid grip?
Year after year you help in ways that I cannot imagine,
So why am I so enraged?
How can I be filled with you when this
Evil darkness fills my heart first?
I sought joy and I found it,
But it's presence is cast off when
This horrible disease creeps once again inside.
I had once rid myself of it's twisted friendship,
But I have been taught well by the theories of this world,
And I just can't seem to let it go.
I long for that Joy with my whole heart,
Once again.

Love

Wed, 26 Dec 2007 05:07:51 GMT

what makes it so incredibly wonderful?
What makes it the focal point of our thoughts?
Can it be taught or is it instinctive?

These questions have been bothering me lately. OH well.

New Hope

Sat, 24 Nov 2007 19:49:52 GMT

Ok here by popular demand(not really) here is the beginning of my story, but keep in mind that it is still rough draft. It could be a little bumpy. Brace yourself. Here it comes.

The wind and rain raged through the darkening sky. Bobby had started after the cattle that had gotten loose. He searched for hours, but the rain had erased any evidence of the loss cattle.

"Come on Mo," called Bobby to his old horse. "I guess the cattle will have to find there way back to the farm."

Mo neighed in agreement.

"Yeah, boy. I know you don't like all this lightn’in'," soothed Bobby. "Only a few more miles to home," but as Bobby patted Mo to calm him, lightning hit a tree close by.

Mo reared up, and took of in the opposite direction of the Lighting stricken tree. Bobby had dodged the horses front hooves at just the right moment, before being crushed.

The rain was beginning to pick up, and Bobby knew better than to get caught out in a storm at night. Bobby buttoned his long raincoat as the rain relentlessly battered him.

Bobby sat under an old dieing tree that had partially fallen a few weeks ago. He had pulled down his cowboy hat when he saw two long legs flash between the trees. Bobby froze. He eagerly searched the dark trees, searching for movement.

Then he saw her. Lightning flashed at the precise moment she looked back. She froze in mid-stride staring at Bobby. Fear shone brightly in her eyes. Bobby strained to see, but the rain engulfed his vision. Lightning flashed again, and he saw her sprinting across the open field. Directly toward the ridge.

Bobby jumped to his feet in pursuit of her. "Wait," yelled Bobby. "The Ridge!"

The rain came down harder with every passing second making it hard to see, but he saw her running extremely close to the edge.

"Stop!" yelled Bobby at the top of his lungs. Now, he was about 20 feet from when he last saw her. Lightning lit up the sky, but she was gone. Bobby stopped near the edge of the ridge. He was breathing heavily, partially from the running and partially from the fear that crept into his chest. He slowly walked down the steep ridge. He slipped scraping his leg all the way down. He gritted his teeth through the pain. He felt his skin burn when he stood up to wipe off all the dirt.

The rain started to pick up. Bobby wobbled over to an opening in the ridge that looked just big enough to fit two or three people. He squeezed through the crack, then realized it opened into a larger cave. He threw his hat down, and sat on a nearby rock. He ran his fingers through his dark brown hair. He had left the house around 6:30. He'd been out an hour when the storm hit, and by the look of it he'd been out another hour and a half. Right about now he'd be putting all the horses in, and eating dinner with Seth, Uncle Lee, and Mama Gene. He felt his stomach rumble, but he knew there was no way he could go back right now.

Skyler lurked in a small crevice of the cave. The storm was beginning to subside. The clouds had began to disappear into the distance. She stretched her long legs across the rocky ground. Her mind racing trying to figure out how to escape. She stopped short, when the lightning began to travel farther and farther away. There was complete silence in the cave, she didn’t hear Bobby. Her heart pounded in her chest, as she tried to control her breathing. She clutched a boulder that had sat next to her. Lightning struck near the cave opening and there was Bobby a few inches away from her face, staring in her eyes.

His sudden appearance had startled her. The clouds had now completely parted to reveal the crescent moon. Her breath caught in her throat as Bobby gazed down into her eyes coming dangerously close to her face. She was mesmerized by his stare. His green eyes glinted in the soft moonlight. His gaze was deep, and Skyler fought to keep her composure., then she remembered the rock. She lifted her arm to strike Bobby on the back of the head, but he was quick. The rock stopped inches from his face. She swung her long legs around and aimed for his knees. He hurtled backwards and hit the ground hard. Skyler hurried to her feet, but before she could get outside the cave Bobby grabbed both of her legs and pulled her to the ground. Anger surged through her body. She kicked and fought as hard as she could to break free, but Bobby held on tight. He pushed her onto her back, and pinned her legs and arms to the ground. The way he looked at her at that moment made Skyler blush.

Bobby couldn’t believe how much she fought, or how strong she was. She now sat at the other end of the cave, staring at the entrance searching for a way out. He had accidentally cut her leg in the struggle, but he blocked the entrance now, so he didn’t worry about her leaving. He studied her features silently. Her long, onyx hair shone in the moonlight. He saw that her legs were long and he already knew how much strength they possessed. Then, she looked at him. Her piercing blue eyes burned with anger. She stood up to face him.

“Let me pass!” demanded Skyler.

“Why should I?” asked Bobby meeting her burning gaze with his own. Now that he stood next to here he realized how intimidating she was. She stood just a few inches shorter, than his six feet two, and she wasn’t just tall.

“You have no reason to keep me trapped here.”

She was Bold.

“Actually, I have every right.”

Skyler placed her hand on her rather large hips. She brought her face just inches from his like he had done to her earlier.

“How’s that?” she asked accusingly.

Bobby paused for a moment, then leaned down challenging her.

“You were trespass’in on our land. I have every right to take you down to the sheriff.”

Skyler pursed her lips and mumbled something under her breath.

“What was that?”

“So, what are you going to do?” asked Skyler ignoring his question.

Bobby thought for a moment. Then said, “I won’t take you to the sheriff, if you’ll come back to the house, and answer some questions.”

Favorite Songs

Sat, 24 Nov 2007 19:35:23 GMT

My personal favorite song write now would have to be "If I ain't got You" by Alicia Keys. It's not really the words, or the music that I love about the song, but the way she sings it. She puts her whole heart and soul into singing that song. If you notice all the most popular songs usually have one thing about them that entices the listener. Such as with rap music, it's usually the words that grab hold, but with R&B it can be the beat or the words. If you notice the songs that have both are usually classified as hiphop because they can't be placed in either category. Or in county music, the instruments are what give it it's distinct country feel. Without the steel guitar or acoustic guitars, the songs wouldn't be the same, but the beauty of a good song is that it can cross boundaries. Unite people. I know that sounds a little corny, but it's true. You can lean so much about another culture through music. Because music is an outward expression of deeper meaning, many different people groups can feel the same emotions as the writer or composer of the song.

I'm feeling philisophical today so here's a little something to think about. (I might start doing this for all my posts.)

THOUGHT TO PONDER:

What is it about music that inspires the human spirit?
Is it the intruments,
Or in the words?
What inspires the birds to sing?
Is it on the wind,
Or in the water?
Can it be that we are all divine beings,
Searching for something more?

a story

Thu, 22 Nov 2007 19:09:32 GMT

for all those who want to see a little bit of my work, here's something that I wrote in 10 or 20 minutes. comments/suggestions will be appreciated.

Kim walked sluggishly down the hallway, bumping into people she had never met. Three years at this highschool, she should know most of them. They were people she walked past everyday. The same faces in the crowd, filled with worry about their grades or about trouble at home.

Penelope had always been her crutch. She had been the only friend she had since grade school all the way back in 4th grade.
Kim had always been the outcast, but Penelope had been a shining light amongst the darkness. She had been the only one who acknowledged Kim in their old school. She had been the only one to take time out to care about Kim.
Those memories pierced Kim's heart like a double-edged sword. She fought back tears as she hurried towards the girl's bathroom. The memory of screams flooded back into her mind.
People running, fighting for a way out. Piercing screams, hurried feet and frantic shoving played violently in Kim's mind.
Kim slipped tossing her books across the floor as she fell to her knees, but it didn't stop those memories. The chaos in her mind began to increase with each passing second.
Kim reached for neck. It wasn't there!
"NO!" whispered Kim.
She searched the floor frantically. Crawling and patting every square inch of the tile.
"The necklace...," whispered Kim. "No, NO!!!"
Kim began to cry as she searched," no, no, no, no. PENELOPE!!! PENELOPE, WHERE ARE YOU?!"
Someone tried to calm her down, but the touch evoked the most horrible memory of all.
A mask and the voice she would never forget played before her eyes. The thoughts of that day swirled inside her head. He had flung her across the room and began to beat her. She remembered the pain of his boots digging into her side. He had continually slammed her against the ground. Kim could almost feel the warm blood trickle down her face. Kim saw the gun aimed at her. She closed her eyes preparing for death, then the gunshot.

Kim screamed again in the hallway. She knew what the next image would be and she beckoned her mind to let her forget, but it was to late. Penelope's dead body flashed before her eyes. The intense emotion that flooded back was more than she could handle.
The memory began to fade but the damage had been done.
Kim's eyes were dull and cold, her face pale. The boy reached for her arm again, but she moved and pushed herself against the wall.
"DON'T TOUCH ME!!!!" she screamed. "NO! LEAVE ME ALONE!"
Kim pulled herself into a tight ball as she tried to block out the pain.
Teachers came running into the hallway trying to calm her.
Then a young man came running down the hallway. He pushed his way through the crowd that had formed. He grabbed her hands and pushed something into them.
Kim's scream caught in her throat. The feel of the cool metal in her hands brought back the tears, but it had stopped her screams. She opened her hands to find the necklace. The beautiful silver flashed in the sunlight. She clutched it next to her heart as the nurse gently coaxed her off the floor.
Before she walked off she turned and whispered, "Thankyou, Reuben."
He nodded his head to her as she walked off.
He had saved her again. The necklace was the only thing she had that tied her back to reality. Without it the horrifying memories invaded. He had saved her twice before, but this time had been the worst. With each attack the pain grew. Kim was slowly losing her world, and it's place her own hell.
The bell rang and all the teachers and students picked up their things and hurried off to their classes not knowing how to react to the spectacle. Reuben swung his backpack over his shoulder and walked down the long hallway toward the nurses office. His only hope was that they would let Kim stay in school. "Only one more week," he thought. "One more week and it'll be summer."

Well, i tried again to edit it, but I remember editing this once before, but this isn't the final draft. I remember reading it not to long ago, but I have no idea where I put it so if I find it I'll be sure to post it.

Writer's Block: Tasty Thanksgiving Treat

Thu, 22 Nov 2007 17:32:58 GMT

What's your favorite Thanksgiving dish?

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My favorite Thanksgiving dish is not what many would think. It isn't turkey, or ham, or stuffing, but something that not many people know about let alone eat. It's crunchy and cripsy. It's one of the best substances that man has ever created. (Ok, I admitt that's a bit much.) It's something called Fry Bread. No, not a donut something much better. The women stay up for hours making its dough, and after all that work they drop it into a special oil, then when it's just right they take it out and let it dry. It's so incredibly amazing, but we don't always get to eat it every thanksgiving, so it is a very special dish.

New Hope

Thu, 22 Nov 2007 04:37:42 GMT

New Hope is a story I'm writing about a girl named Skyler who happens to stumble into the lives of the West family. When Bobby West meets Skyler in the woods wounded it is up to him to find out what happened to her, but when she wakes up the next day she is more than he can handle.

I have been working on this story line for roughly two years. I guess you could say that I like to take my time on these things, but now I'm in the process of bringing my stories to life not just by words but also through paint and pencil. Hopefully, by my senior year they all will be complete.

Writer's Block: Total Transformation

Thu, 22 Nov 2007 03:10:09 GMT

What's the most drastic change you've ever made to your appearance?

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Well, I'm really bored so I'll just go ahead, and answer this silly quesiton.
The most drastic. Hmmm, I 'd say. I chopped all my hair off, that wold be the most drastic. I had hip waist hair, then I cut it off so short that I couldn't even put it into a pony tail. Pretty hilarious, I must say. But It ain't no blond mohawk.